I Don’t Want To Play Anymore

“Good and bad, which are part of the illusion created by Hari, cannot be removed without worshiping Hari. Keeping this in mind, worship Rama and renounce all desires.” (Dohavali, 127)

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हरि माया क्।र्त दो।स गुन बिनु हरि भजन न जाहिं ।
भजिअ राम सब काम तजि अस बिचारि मन माहिं ॥

hari māyā k।rta do।sa guna binu hari bhajana na jāhiṃ ।
bhajia rāma saba kāma taji asa bicāri mana māhiṃ ॥

When viewing the entirety of the life experience in the context of a game, one person is upset. They have not advanced as far as they would have liked to, based on established benchmarks set by their peers. They offer the following lament:

“I am doing terribly. I feel like such a failure. I have amounted to nothing thus far. Just see what others are able to do. They must be so happy. No wonder they have so much confidence. It is oozing out of them. That automatically makes them attractive to others. They have a large circle of friends, family, and supporters.

“I, on the other hand, am completely alone. I have nothing. My days are filled with hopelessness and despair. There is nothing to look forward to. I might as well not be alive. I am making no meaningful contribution to the world around me.”

Within the same life experience, another person is also upset. They are on the opposite side of the spectrum, however. They have advanced to the stage that others would readily acknowledge as successful. This second person offers the following lament:

“I want to end it all. I am serious. My life used to be so peaceful. No one bothered me. I could do as I pleased. I would go to a simple job, do my simple work, and return home to a simple, quiet evening. I could relax as I saw fit. There were no obstructions.

“That life is a thing of the past. I am so far removed that I vaguely recall the experience. It is as though it never occurred. It was only in illusion, like a dream. Now I am getting bombarded from every direction. I wish I could go find a cave and stay there, permanently. I don’t want friends or family. I don’t want success. It has only caused me increased pain and misery.”

These hypothetical endpoints can correlate to the concepts of guna and dosha in Sanskrit culture. Guna is good or pious work. Dosha is the opposite. We can apply to the full range of the life experience, wherein we see heaven and hell as potential destinations.

Guna and dosha apply at the micro level, as well. If I turn the screw in the wrong direction, the furniture will not be properly assembled. That is dosha. Going to sleep at the proper time at night, in order to wake up to be fully rested, that is a kind of guna.

Goswami Tulsidas explains that both guna and dosha are the creation of maya, which belongs to Hari. Maya is illusion. The two sides of good and bad, pious and sinful, are different states within that illusion. Like the dream where we think we are flying or are being chased by a tiger, there is no lasting reality to the experience.

That illusion cannot be removed without worshiping Hari. Therefore, the only logical conclusion is to follow a system of worship to the Supreme Personality of Godhead. The system is necessary because other desires will enter the mind.

Those desires are rooted in the illusion, with which we are familiar since long before anyone can remember. Removing those desires, we worship Hari and finally escape the illusion. There can be no higher purpose. There is nothing superior to finally leaving the playing field, so to speak.

You might get blamed for wasting time in make-believe. You might be made fun of for sitting before a statue of a bluish figure holding a bow and arrow. You might be considered crazy for thinking that food can magically transform into something extra-potent after placing it on the altar and reciting a few mantras.

The truth is that anyone who tries to make a permanent situation within Hari’s illusion is crazy. They are the ones who need help. They will never find lasting happiness in something that is not real. As only Hari can remove that illusion, it is only Hari to whom we should be devoted. We have the ability. We have the potency. It is our dharma to follow such worship, which is not limited by time or circumstance.

In Closing:

So much time wasted,
But nothing real tasted.

Hoping experience to last,
But dissipating fast.

By guna and dosha created,
From Hari instated.

Same who conditions can remove,
When worship at His feet to choose.