Two Ways Parents Respond To Being Hated By Their Children

“In the way that parents intervene when the children play with a snake or put a hand in fire, Sita and Rama are like the mother and father who protect Tulsidas in the manner of a small child.” (Dohavali, 147)

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खेलत बालक ब्याल सँग मेलत पावक हाथ।
तुलसी सिसु पितु मातु ज्यों राखत सिय रघुनाथ ॥

khelata bālaka byāla sa~ga melata pāvaka hātha।
tulasī sisu pitu mātu jyoṃ rākhata siya raghunātha ॥

1. Trying to avoid it

“Do you have a young child? A son, perhaps? They are so nice to you during childhood. Am I right? They follow your every move. They imitate even the simplest gestures, such as singing songs and the position for sleeping. They adore you. There is no questioning the love.

“Imagine that same child as a teenager. Whenever they come home from school, you ask how the day went. The child grunts in response. They want nothing to do with you. They run upstairs and stay in their room, playing video games, watching television, or talking on the phone.

“One day, you happen to come upon something they have written. There is only one line. It says, ‘I hate my mom.’ No explanation. No pretext. No external cause. All the love you gave them. All the sacrifices you made. All the time you spend thinking about them. And this is the reciprocation you get?

“I would never wish that upon anyone. I dread to think of finding the same sentiment repeating. I hope it never lasts longer than a thought. I never want to be hated by my children. They should know that I am always there for them. They should feel safe and protected. I am willing to make any sacrifice for them.”

2. Welcoming it

“You need that fear. You need that attention. It will be good for them to sleep with one eye open. They should get into the habit of deliberating on their decisions. They should consider the consequences, especially in how the father will respond.

“I want them to hate me. That means I have done my job. No one else is going to look out for them that way. I will toughen them up. It is a cruel and heartless world out there. They should know what they are in for. Mommy and Daddy won’t always be around to save the day.”

…

Goswami Tulsidas explains that his protection is already taken care of. The objects of worship, Sita and Rama, are like the mother and father. They behave towards the devoted soul in the way parents intervene when a child innocently approaches danger, such as when coming in contact with fire or meeting a snake.

This kind of realization is profound in the sense that spiritual life has choice at the foundation. Even in the instances of blind allegiance based on dogmatic insistence, there is this conscious awareness of following the right path.

“Don’t be like the others, who are destined for the realm of punishment, where they will have to remain forever. There is no chance at redemption. Make the right choice today.”

If Sita and Rama are providing oversight in the manner of vigilant parents, it means that the choice is taken away. I may desperately want to spend time with certain people. They are my friend since childhood. Never mind that they are attracted to garbage, in the manner of the crow. I do not care that they are envious of everyone, including their own children. At least they are willing to be my friend.

I may desperately want to change jobs, to move to another city, to play sports in a specific organization, to enjoy the senses in this way and that. Since I have devoted my life to Sita and Rama, the choice is now out of my hands. I am under their protection. They are the guiding force.

महात्मानस् तु मां पार्थ
दैवीं प्रकृतिम् आश्रिताः
भजन्त्य् अनन्य-मनसो
ज्ञात्वा भूतादिम् अव्ययम्

mahātmānas tu māṁ pārtha
daivīṁ prakṛtim āśritāḥ
bhajanty ananya-manaso
jñātvā bhūtādim avyayam

“O son of Pritha, those who are not deluded, the great souls, are under the protection of the divine nature. They are fully engaged in devotional service because they know Me as the Supreme Personality of Godhead, original and inexhaustible.” (Lord Krishna, Bhagavad-gita, 9.13)

Despite my protests, they will keep an eye out for me. I may cry in anguish to the point that I am on the floor lamenting excessively, but Sita and Rama know better. They know what is best for me. They keep the devoted souls under their care, in the manner that Arjuna was guided towards the proper destination in the consequential moment of doubt on the battlefield of Kurukshetra.

In Closing:

In consequential moment of doubt,
Firm resolve without.

By the potential choices shaken,
But away from him taken.

Since shelter of Krishna found,
Now to one direction bound.

That to devotional position fixed,
Even if sentiments mixed.