How To Find The Right Balance Between Family And Fun

“Always chanting My glories, endeavoring with great determination, bowing down before Me, these great souls perpetually worship Me with devotion.” (Lord Krishna, Bhagavad-gita, 9.14)

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सततं कीर्तयन्तो मां
यतन्तश् च दृढ-व्रताः
नमस्यन्तश् च मां भक्त्या
नित्य-युक्ता उपासते

satataṁ kīrtayanto māṁ
yatantaś ca dṛḍha-vratāḥ
namasyantaś ca māṁ bhaktyā
nitya-yuktā upāsate

“For the purposes of this discussion, let’s say that I am enjoying bhakti-yoga. The vaidhi kind, where we try to follow the rules and regulations. We maintain fidelity to the principles, to the tradition, to the teachings of the guru. We avoid the four pillars of sinful life: meat-eating, gambling, intoxication, and illicit sex. We chant the holy names on a regular basis: Hare Krishna Hare Krishna, Krishna Krishna, Hare Hare, Hare Rama Hare Rama, Rama Rama, Hare Hare.

“Not surprisingly, the routine is gradually turning into second-nature. It is more something to enjoy than something to dread. It is part of me instead of one of my many obligations. I really like this stuff. In the manner that supporters tailgate in the parking lot prior to a big public event, I am the first to line up to enter a house of worship in anticipation for a gathering of saintly people, sadhu-sanga.

“Now, there is still a question about lingering obligations. Let’s say that there is a family to support. That can turn into a full-time engagement. There has to be a steady flow of money entering the household. This is known as income. You combine the work attached to income and the work associated with maintaining a family and practically the entire day has been reserved. It is like the manager whose virtual calendar is booked solid with meetings.

“What is the proper balance? If I want to be more engaged in bhakti, but at the same time have to be responsible to dependents. I feel as if abruptly abandoning others is not the right way. I also feel that there should be some selfishness on my part, in allotting time for reading sacred texts, for worshiping, for remembering, and the like.”

This issue becomes more and more difficult to resolve with the supposed advancements in the typical living conditions. Added convenience means added necessity. I have to now work harder to maintain basic amenities, to keep up with the rest of the population. The idea of living simply and humbly is almost out the window, considering the overall inauspicious conditions created by leaders of nations.

The obvious way to balance the two sides is to merge them. Try to follow spiritual life in a combined way with family obligations. Read sacred texts together. On a routine basis, for example, go through a verse from Bhagavad-gita and then discuss together. Read a few pages each day from works that are more narrative in nature, such as the Puranas and Ramayana. Food can be prepared together, for the enjoyment of the Supreme Personality of Godhead.

पत्रं पुष्पं फलं तोयं
यो मे भक्त्या प्रयच्छति
तद् अहं भक्त्य्-उपहृतम्
अश्नामि प्रयतात्मनः

patraṁ puṣpaṁ phalaṁ toyaṁ
yo me bhaktyā prayacchati
tad ahaṁ bhakty-upahṛtam
aśnāmi prayatātmanaḥ

“If one offers Me with love and devotion a leaf, a flower, fruit or water, I will accept it.” (Lord Krishna, Bhagavad-gita, 9.26)

These activities already take place, outside of vaidhi-bhakti. They occur in households completely unaware of the bhakti tradition of spiritual life. They are followed in homes that have no idea of the recommendation to offer a leaf, a flower, fruit or water to Krishna. Those who are familiar with the tradition can combine everything together, such that the work merges into transcendence.

गतसङ्गस्य मुक्तस्य ज्ञानावस्थितचेतसः
यज्ञायाचरतः कर्म समग्रं प्रविलीयते

gata-saṅgasya muktasya
jñānāvasthita-cetasaḥ
yajñāyācarataḥ karma
samagraṁ pravilīyate

“The work of a man who is unattached to the modes of material nature and who is fully situated in transcendental knowledge merges entirely into transcendence.” (Lord Krishna, Bhagavad-gita, 4.23)

Chaitanya Mahaprabhu once dissuaded a householder from leaving home and accepting the renounced order of life. The justification was that the same objective could be accomplished by simply speaking Krishna-upadesha. With every person that we meet, to whichever destinations we travel, we can become a guru on the order of Lord Chaitanya by following this simple guidance.

In addition, we can get clarity from the historical situation of the Bhagavad-gita conversation. Arjuna is always with Krishna. They have always been together. Arjuna cannot remember those past experiences, but Krishna never forgets. It is something like having the object of worship always in front of you, as if you are always adjacent to the altar space within the temple.

श्री-भगवान् उवाच
बहूनि मे व्यतीतानि
जन्मानि तव चार्जुन
तान्य् अहं वेद सर्वाणि
न त्वं वेत्थ परन्तप

śrī-bhagavān uvāca
bahūni me vyatītāni
janmāni tava cārjuna
tāny ahaṁ veda sarvāṇi
na tvaṁ vettha parantapa

“The Blessed Lord said: Many, many births both you and I have passed. I can remember all of them, but you cannot, O subduer of the enemy!” (Bhagavad-gita, 4.5)

We see that Arjuna still proceeded in a military conflict. He did not turn the Kurukshetra area into a large yajna, with brahmanas chanting mantras and dropping offerings of ghee into a sacrificial fire. Krishna describes that saintly people are always chanting His glories, but Arjuna worshiped all the same by releasing arrows in a fury, targeting enemy soldiers.

This means that there is a way to find a balance. If we worship enough, if we maintain that steady connection known as yoga, then soon we will see that the issue itself is an illusion. There is no question of balance when everything is dedicated to that teacher of Arjuna, who also happens to be the original teacher, the adi-guru.

In Closing:

Desperate for balance to find,
When bhakti preference in mind.

Because family also there,
Of my obligations aware.

Really only in illusion to exist,
By merged efforts not to persist.

Because everything as offering done,
Arjuna the battle for Krishna won.