Three Phases Of The Father-Son Relationship

“The Vedas, like the Mundaka Upanishad, as well as the Shvetashvatara Upanishad, compare the soul and the Supersoul to two friendly birds sitting on the same tree. One of the birds (the individual atomic soul) is eating the fruit of the tree, and the other bird (Krishna) is simply watching His friend. Of these two birds—although they are the same in quality—one is captivated by the fruits of the material tree, while the other is simply witnessing the activities of His friend. Krishna is the witnessing bird, and Arjuna is the eating bird.” (Shrila Prabhupada, Bhagavad-gita, 2.22 Purport)

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1. Idolize

“My father is the best. He is like a superhero to me. I look up to him. I want to be just like him when I grow up. He can do no wrong. If others should say one bad word, I will get upset. I will not tolerate any criticism of that man who brought me into this world.”

2. Demonize

“My father is the worst. I can never forgive the way he treated me during childhood. It was unwarranted. He was too tough. All I wanted was some companionship, some validation. Why couldn’t he just be my friend? Instead, he had to always criticize. He had to create difficulty, even when there was no need. I still have scars, in my memory.”

3. Humanize

“I completely understand my father now. He did the best that he could. He indeed wanted me to succeed. He only knew what he learned from his childhood. How could he possibly understand? I cherish every moment that I had with him. We didn’t have enough time to reconcile our differences. It would have been nice to have a strong friendship once we both were adults, so that we could be on an equal level.”

…

The host of a popular podcast posits the above theory, that the relationship between the father and son, when stretching into adulthood, tends to follow a pattern. The guests on this podcast agree. Their experiences confirm the transition, and since the guests are typically quite successful in life, their fathers usually play an important role in the outcome. In other words, the fathers deserve a lot of the credit for the eventual success.

Does the same hold true with the Supreme Personality of Godhead? He is the original father, after all. We are all related to Him. We all look to Him. Is the stage of worship in reverence merely that? Is it only a stage? Do we have to move on to something else? Do we ever demonize Him? Should we blame Him for all that goes wrong in this world?

After all, there is tremendous hardship. There are unspeakable atrocities that take place far and wide. Both in that hotspot for war, that place which is thousands of miles away, and the local hospital, where innocent life gets taken too quickly, in a barbaric manner that has somehow been made legal under the banner of rights for reproduction. Some people are rich, while others are poor. Some suffer no hardship at all, and yet are miserable, petty, and depressed. Others know no fortune and prosperity, and yet are humble, kind, gracious, and forgiving.

In the last stage, should we humanize God? Should we extend some understanding of His position, in trying to oversee the entire affair that is the material creation? Should we relate to Him through our own struggles? Should we forgive Him instead of asking for forgiveness?

The truth is that everyone follows the Supreme Lord. In all respects. Whether they are in favor, against, or on the fence. Whether they are ambivalent or fully invested. Whether they are praising or cursing. The Upanishads offer the depiction of two birds sitting on a tree. We are the first bird. We make choices. We suffer or enjoy as a result. The second bird simply witnesses. He is neutral to the entire affair. He is neither for nor against our decisions, though He does hope that we one day turn in His direction, acknowledge His presence, and accept His guidance on how to finally leave the tree and find a mode of living that does not involve duality.

समो ऽहं सर्व-भूतेषु
न मे द्वेष्यो ऽस्ति न प्रियः
ये भजन्ति तु मां भक्त्या
मयि ते तेषु चाप्य् अहम्

samo ‘haṁ sarva-bhūteṣu
na me dveṣyo ‘sti na priyaḥ
ye bhajanti tu māṁ bhaktyā
mayi te teṣu cāpy aham

“I envy no one, nor am I partial to anyone. I am equal to all. But whoever renders service unto Me in devotion is a friend, is in Me, and I am also a friend to him.” (Lord Krishna, Bhagavad-gita, 9.29)

In explaining the science of self-realization, His Divine Grace A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada passes forward the concept of a rasa. The loose translation into English is “transcendental mellow.” It is the taste which we experience when connected with God the person. The platform of reverence is known as shanta-rasa. This is neutrality. We worship, but maintain a distance. We appreciate. We marvel at the accomplishments. We respect the standing, which is supreme.

To demonize is to think in the negative. This is still a kind of contemplation, which is ultimately auspicious. There are the two famous characters described in detail in Vedic history which fall into this relationship. They are Hiranyakashipu and Ravana. In truth, they are actually devotees from the spiritual world. They merely play adversaries for a brief period of time. This also underscores the truth that the individual, who is spirit soul, is always a servant of the Supreme Lord. That is their true form, svarupa, as confirmed by Chaitanya Mahaprabhu.

जीवेर ‘स्वरूप’ हয় — कृष्णेर ‘नित्यदास’
कृष्णेर ‘तटस्था-शक्ति’, ‘भेदाभेद-प्रकाश’
सूर्यांश-किरण, यैछे अग्निज्वालाचয়
स्वाभाविक कृष्णेर तिनप्ৰकार ‘शक्ति’ हয়

jīvera ‘svarūpa’ haya — kṛṣṇera ‘nitya-dāsa’
kṛṣṇera ‘taṭasthā-śakti’ ‘bhedābheda-prakāśa’
sūryāṁśa-kiraṇa, yaiche agni-jvālā-caya
svābhāvika kṛṣṇera tina-prakāra ‘śakti’ haya

“It is the living entity’s constitutional position to be an eternal servant of Krishna because he is the marginal energy of Krishna and a manifestation simultaneously one and different from the Lord, like a molecular particle of sunshine or fire. Krishna has three varieties of energy.” (Chaitanya Charitamrita, Madhya, 20.108-109)

We can humanize God through His adventures in this world, the prakata-lila. The saguna form has identifiable features that we can relate to and attempt to understand, but the Supreme Lord is always simultaneously nirguna. He is like a human, but also not. He is not flawed. He never falls down, and so He is known as Achyuta.

सर्व-योनिषु कौन्तेय
मूर्तयः सम्भवन्ति याः
तासां ब्रह्म महद् योनिर्
अहं बीज-प्रदः पिता

sarva-yoniṣu kaunteya
mūrtayaḥ sambhavanti yāḥ
tāsāṁ brahma mahad yonir
ahaṁ bīja-pradaḥ pitā

“It should be understood that all species of life, O son of Kunti, are made possible by birth in this material nature, and that I am the seed-giving father.” (Lord Krishna, Bhagavad-gita, 14.4)

Whatever viewpoint we choose, the relationship cannot be broken. He is the original seed-giving father. Whether we love Him or hate Him, He is always there for us. He is our constant companion, in birth after birth. The perfection of living is to remember Him today, tomorrow, and especially at the end.

In Closing:

By life experience demonstrated,
That the relationship complicated.

At first a hero was he,
Later flaws to see.

My father as human to view,
Loving but with flaws too.

With Krishna already following are all,
Liberated when my best friend to call.