Why The Push For Strong And Independent Women

“May Indra protect you on the East, may Yama protect you on the South and Varuna on the West and Kuvera on the North.” (Sita Devi speaking to Lord Rama, Valmiki Ramayana, Ayodhya Kand, 16.24)

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पूर्वां दिशं वज्रधरो दक्षिणां पातु ते यमः
वरुणः पश्चिमामाशां धनेशस्तूत्तरां दिशम्

pūrvāṃ diśaṃ vajradharo dakṣiṇāṃ pātu te yamaḥ
varuṇaḥ paścimāmāśāṃ dhaneśastūttarāṃ diśam

“Can you answer something for me? This is a question that pops into my mind all the time, as an instant response to what I see as nonsense pushed forward in the prevailing culture. I am too afraid to say anything; for obvious reasons, as you will see. If you even ask the question, you will get a range of inimical responses. Blank stares. Bewildered looks. Pursing of the lips. Anger just ready to be unleashed. In some cases, violence.

“My question is based on this push for women to be ‘strong and independent.’ Those are the exact words used by the proponents, by the way. If ever one of their political figures should be challenged, they respond with the accusation that the critic somehow has a problem with strong, independent women. The lines they repeat feel like they are trying to trap innocent people with these catechisms. It is a little ridiculous, if you ask me.

“My question in response is about the very strong and independent women they wish to identify. Have you ever met a woman who is both weak and dependent? A specific person, not some caricature of the lady persuaded by the philandering boyfriend. Not the woman who appears to be drawn to the abuse from their spouse. I mean a real person, someone with a name, that is a woman who is both weak and dependent.

“To me, the premise is absurd. I have never met such a woman. I am not trying to score points, either. I am not trying to impress anyone with my praise. I am being honest. Any woman who experiences childbirth is unbelievably strong. I know countless women who went through the traditional arranged marriage system in India. The dignity with which they carry themselves gives real meaning to the concept of a devi. They are actual goddesses, and not through flaunting physical features or getting into people’s faces. They have a strength that is admirable, subtle, quiet, and yet, indescribable.

“Are those the women that people think are weak? Are they considered dependent because they take shelter of a husband? I don’t think that makes you a dependent, anymore than a government leader who only lives in a large residence because of the tax dollars they collect. That money is due to the hard work of the citizens. The leader is just as dependent on the people as the people are dependent on the leader. Do you see what I am saying?”

These absurdities arise whenever there is a specific interest group looking to push an agenda. They have to create division, after all. This is the way to stand out. If every woman were happy, peaceful, and feeling safe, what leg would any of these proponents have to stand on? They must sow the seeds of dissension first, and then exploit the differences to suit their own purposes.

Under their model, someone like Sita Devi would be considered the weakest person, as she is fully dependent on her husband. That is her dharma, after all. This is both taught to her during childhood, in the house of King Janaka of Mithila, and later voluntarily accepted, through a vow in marriage. Sita follows what she describes as “anuvrata.” Rama is everything to her. Nothing can change that.

महागिरिमिवाकम्प्यं महेन्द्रसदृशं पतिम्
महोदधिमिवाक्षोभ्यमहं राममनुव्रता

mahāgirimivākampyaṃ mahendrasadṛśaṃ patim
mahodadhimivākṣobhyamahaṃ rāmamanuvratā

“I am faithfully engaged in the service of Rama, who is as immovable as a great mountain, as great a lord as Mahendra [Indra], and who, like a great ocean, is incapable of being agitated.” (Sita Devi speaking to Ravana, Valmiki Ramayana, Aranya Kand, 47.33)

Though her husband is a celebrated prince of the Raghu dynasty, Sita Devi takes the liberty to pray for His welfare. She asks various devas to look after her husband in the different directions, as He travels to His intended destinations. There is dependence on the husband within the relationship of marriage, but there is also independence in taking the initiative to pray for His welfare.

Sita Devi exhibits strength in the vow to her husband when tested against the greatest interference imaginable. A ten-headed ogre named Ravana literally tries to scare her out of that allegiance. He uses psychological manipulation to get her to think that she will never be reunited with her beloved. Better to make full use of the beauty from the years in youth, before the visual effects of aging take their toll.

यथा यथा सान्त्वयिता वश्यः स्त्रीणां तथा तथा
यथा यथा प्रियं वक्ता परिभूतस्तथा तथा

yathā yathā sāntvayitā vaśyaḥ strīṇāṃ tathā tathā
yathā yathā priyaṃ vaktā paribhūtastathā tathā

“The more sweet a man is towards a woman, the more agreeable she becomes. Yet in this case the more dear words the speaker has used, the more disregarded he has been.” (Ravana speaking to Sita Devi, Valmiki Ramayana, Sundara Kand, 22.2)

Ravana even tries flattery, except he notices a strange outcome. Typically, the more that flattery is applied, the softer the resolve of the recipient becomes. But here, it appears that Sita Devi is more fixed in her stance, as a result. She does not have the physical strength to combat the king of Lanka, but her strength in anuvrata is like an immovable object. Ravana cannot shake it.

प्रकृतेः क्रियमाणानि
गुणैः कर्माणि सर्वशः
अहङ्कार-विमूढात्मा
कर्ताहम् इति मन्यते

prakṛteḥ kriyamāṇāni
guṇaiḥ karmāṇi sarvaśaḥ
ahaṅkāra-vimūḍhātmā
kartāham iti manyate

“The bewildered spirit soul, under the influence of the three modes of material nature, thinks himself to be the doer of activities, which are in actuality carried out by nature.” (Lord Krishna, Bhagavad-gita, 3.27)

And so her example is an inspiration for both women and men alike. We are all dependents in this world, whether we acknowledge it or not. We cannot do anything on our own. Material nature must first cooperate, and above nature stands the Supreme Lord, who is the husband of the goddess of fortune. Independence in our choice to worship God in a steady allegiance, while in our dependent state, is the secret to meeting the highest objective of the auspicious human birth.

In Closing:

Considered frail and weak,
With flattering words to speak.

That easily her favor to win,
But Ravana’s heads to spin.

Since with that plan the longer,
Her resolve only getting stronger.

Dependent but initiative to take,
Never her husband to forsake.