Five Ways My Religious Life Feels Like Prison

“Our dear friend Yashoda, your son sometimes comes to our houses before the milking of the cows and releases the calves, and when the master of the house becomes angry, your son merely smiles. Sometimes He devises some process by which He steals palatable curd, butter and milk, which He then eats and drinks. When the monkeys assemble, He divides it with them, and when the monkeys have their bellies so full that they won’t take more, He breaks the pots. Sometimes, if He gets no opportunity to steal butter or milk from a house, He will be angry at the householders, and for His revenge He will agitate the small children by pinching them. Then, when the children begin crying, Krishna will go away.” (Shrimad Bhagavatam, 10.8.29)

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वत्सान् मुञ्चन् क्‍वचिदसमये क्रोशसञ्जातहास:
स्तेयं स्वाद्वत्त्यथ दधिपय: कल्पितै: स्तेययोगै:
मर्कान् भोक्ष्यन् विभजति स चेन्नात्ति भाण्डं भिन्नत्ति
द्रव्यालाभे सगृहकुपितो यात्युपक्रोश्य तोकान्

vatsān muñcan kvacid asamaye krośa-sañjāta-hāsaḥ
steyaṁ svādv atty atha dadhi-payaḥ kalpitaiḥ steya-yogaiḥ
markān bhokṣyan vibhajati sa cen nātti bhāṇḍaṁ bhinnatti
dravyālābhe sagṛha-kupito yāty upakrośya tokān

1. Deathly afraid

“I don’t know about you, but is there something about religion which gets your attention, in a negative way? I never served in the military, but I am assuming the level of awareness is the same whenever the leader at a specific base arrives for an inspection, without prior notice. Everything better be in order. Otherwise, you are in trouble.

“Well, with religion I feel as if I am always in trouble, no matter what. I guess I do so many bad things that I have a difficult time remembering. But we keep pushing forward. We move on as a family. I deal with the fear. I am not happy to be sitting in the pews, but don’t ever tell anyone. If they accuse me of it, I will say that you are lying.”

2. Admitting your crimes

“You hear these stories on the news that end with the words, ‘the thief was later apprehended.’ That means that the authorities were able to locate the suspect in the crime. Sometimes, the conclusion is, ‘the suspect turned themselves in.’ This last one really appeals to me, because it is how I feel when visiting the house of worship.

“It is like I am turning myself in. For what, exactly? I am not sure. I know I did some bad stuff this past week. I am a sinner, after all. I have to go there, to sit with the priest who is on the other side of the partition, and list everything off. For instance, I told my wife she looked fat in that dress. There was a five dollar bill that fell on the floor in the store. I couldn’t find anyone around, so I ended up pocketing it. I browsed some illicit materials online. I drank a diet soda. Hey, wait a second. Why am I telling you any of this? I should save this for my weekly visit.”

3. Begging for pardon

“We show up to this place, which is supposed to be the house of God, lay everything on the table, and then hope that we won’t get in trouble. We are supposed to beg for forgiveness. Something about it doesn’t sit right with me. It is like these people on the other side have managed to rig the game. They are collecting all of this compromising information on people. How do we know they won’t use it against us in the future? How do we know they won’t exploit our vulnerability? Is this what the relationship with God should be about? Just tell Him how bad we are and beg to be spared His wrath?”

4. Seeing what they did to the last wise guy

“The imagery in the house of worship is not the best, if you ask me. I am speaking openly here. Don’t share this with anyone else. They have that one person depicted in his final moments on earth. It is supposed to be a symbol of sacrifice, but to me it is the worst kind of torture. It is like these people are telling us to not try anything funny. I get it that some people like to think of blood and guts, but shouldn’t religion appeal to our intellect, if only a little bit? That image is entirely for emotion, and a negative one, if you ask me.”

5. Checking-in again the following week

“Listen, the best part of each visit is the end. When we get to go home. We have survived another ordeal. People look around to see who didn’t show up. They take attendance. The ones who failed to appear are the ones that need to be saved, you see. Fortunately, I am in the club. But I will have to return next week, unfortunately. It is like we are on this work-release program, where we get to live at home most of the time, but only if we check in with our parole officer at periodic intervals.”

…

The complaints from this hypothetical situation are legitimate and likely a contributing factor to dismissal of religion in general, in regions across the world. If we have fun everywhere else, in associating with friends, family, colleagues, children, and the like, why should the joy be absent in the relationship with someone who is supposed to be our eternal companion? If He is our savior, why is the experience with Him full of dread and misery?

With respect to checking in with a review panel once a week, to go over the blemishes from the recent past, it should be understood that the Supreme Lord is already all-pervading. The Sanskrit name of Vishnu both symbolizes this truth and explains it. As Vishnu, God expands Himself to reside in the heart. Of every human being. Of every living being, in fact. He is a constant companion. He is the witness inside, antaryami. There is nothing that He misses. He is never accidentally looking the other way.

सर्वतः पाणि-पादं तत्
सर्वतो ऽक्षि-शिरो-मुखम्
सर्वतः श्रुतिमल् लोके
सर्वम् आवृत्य तिष्ठति

sarvataḥ pāṇi-pādaṁ tat
sarvato ‘kṣi-śiro-mukham
sarvataḥ śrutimal loke
sarvam āvṛtya tiṣṭhati

“Everywhere are His hands and legs, His eyes and faces, and He hears everything. In this way the Supersoul exists.” (Lord Krishna, Bhagavad-gita, 13.14)

In this regard, there is no explicit need to check in. The rap sheet, so to speak, is already accounted for. We think we got away with something because either no one was around or there isn’t a force strong enough to inflict punishment in return, but we will always get what is coming to us. Shri Rama, an avatara of Vishnu, explains this in the context of flowers appearing on trees.

अवश्यं लभते जन्तुः फलं पापस्य कर्मणः
घोरं पर्यागते काले द्रुमाः पुष्पमिवार्तवम्

avaśyaṃ labhate jantuḥ phalaṃ pāpasya karmaṇaḥ
ghoraṃ paryāgate kāle drumāḥ puṣpamivārtavam

“Just as a tree starts to blossom during the proper season, so the doer of sinful deeds inevitably reaps the horrible fruit of their actions at the appropriate time.” (Lord Rama speaking to Khara, Valmiki Ramayana, Aranya Kand, 29.8)

To fear God is to come closer to Him. To fear God is to acknowledge His presence, His oversight, and His ability to punish. To fear God is to believe in Him. At the same time, to only fear God is to not know Him very well. The saints of the Vedic tradition have a different vision, one based in reality. They can see God in the full picture of bliss, knowledge, compassion, kindness, and love. They can see this vision all the time. Rather than check in once a week, they keep this vision with them constantly, from morning until night, while working or resting.

Rather than begrudgingly visit a house of worship that feels like a prison, for the purpose of coming clean with an officer, these saintly people constantly remember Vishnu as Shri Krishna, who is the greatest thief of them all. Krishna regularly intrudes into the homes of the people of Gokula-Vrindavana. The mothers gather information for their own version of a police report, to be given to Yashoda. They want that mother to punish her son, Krishna, but while recounting the events, the stealing of the butter and the like, the stance softens to the point that they wish for Krishna to always stay with them. This is one way to understand genuine religious life.

In Closing:

He is the sinner you see,
Intrusions of reservations free.

Regularly into our homes to break,
And shamelessly our butter to take.

To stop this annoyance how?
Yashoda should punish Him now.

But truth that better leniency though stern,
Precious may He to our homes return.