Don’t You Think Females Need Proper Role Models

“That which in the beginning may be just like poison but at the end is just like nectar and which awakens one to self-realization is said to be happiness in the mode of goodness.” (Lord Krishna, Bhagavad-gita, 18.37)

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यत् तद् अग्रे विषम् इव
परिणामे ’मृतोपमम्
तत् सुखं सात्त्विकं प्रोक्तम्
आत्म-बुद्धि-प्रसाद-जम्

yat tad agre viṣam iva
pariṇāme ’mṛtopamam
tat sukhaṁ sāttvikaṁ proktam
ātma-buddhi-prasāda-jam

“Listen, this complaint shouldn’t sound new to you. It is continuing with a general theme, as of late. I am still trying to find the best way to present the difference, in how things used to be as opposed to how they are now. One thing I like to remind people of is that there was a time not long ago where you could consume content without commentary. Read a book. Finish a newspaper article. Watch an episode of a television show or documentary. You had to process the information yourself. If you disagreed with something, you had to come up with better arguments. There was also a cost to publication. No one was going to take out a piece of paper, fit it inside the typewriter, and start composing a letter full of expletives and nonsense. This is because the time would go to waste. You had to make some sort of rational argument, if you were going to send a letter to someone, for instance.

“Today, you can choose a person you hate, write some vulgar words, and post it on a social media site. Depending on the time of day, which way the winds of public opinion are blowing, you might get tremendous support. You will feel validated. You must be on to something, since others are agreeing. The notifications keep buzzing, with people liking your post. In reality, you have not done anything. You have only muddied the waters. You have not developed your intelligence sufficiently.

“I bring this up because I see the dangers for the youth of today in not having proper role models. Whatever debauchery they stumble into, whatever promiscuity they eventually turn into a way of life, they can find someone online to support them. I don’t think this is healthy. You need people to set you straight. This used to be the parents. It used to be the teachers. Now everyone is too afraid. You offer the slightest bit of helpful advice or give a stern but well-intentioned admonishment and the person on the other end will go online to complain about you. I have heard that teachers are retiring in droves. They have had it with these disrespectful students and their accommodating parents.

“I think women especially need good role models. The trusted institutions of the past are no longer sacred. You try to tell someone about the story of Sita Devi, the daughter of King Janaka, and they run the other way. They think you are trying to force them into submission, to loving a husband unconditionally, without getting anything in return. Everyone wants something back. They insist upon it. They ask, what’s in it for me. You can’t blame them, necessarily. There is little guidance on the need for tapasya, in how holding back your urges, for a higher purpose, can bring you happiness in the long run. There is even that verse from Bhagavad-gita, explaining happiness in the mode of goodness. I can hardly find a person who will sit still long enough for me to read the translation to that verse. I kid you not.

“What is the solution? You talk so much about these goddesses described in Vedic texts, but who will relate to them? Those women are indeed devis, but they got married at a young age. They had children and raised them within a loving community. They lived in a society which no longer exists. How can you expect others to take away valuable lessons, then?”

We can think of life as an extended humbling experience. We are humbled from beginning to end. Even those who succeed, through perseverance and hard work, eventually feel like something is missing at the conclusion. They reached the highest levels of achievement, only to be left with an emptiness. We are humbled by the nighttime urge to sleep, by the temptations of the senses. We are humbled by the chilling cold of winter and the scorching heat of summer. We are humbled by the sudden onset of disease. At the end, we are completely humbled in being forced to leave our body, usually against our will.

भूत-ग्रामः स एवायं
भूत्वा भूत्वा प्रलीयते
रात्र्य्-आगमे ऽवशः पार्थ
प्रभवत्य् अहर्-आगमे

bhūta-grāmaḥ sa evāyaṁ
bhūtvā bhūtvā pralīyate
rātry-āgame ‘vaśaḥ pārtha
prabhavaty ahar-āgame

“Again and again the day comes, and this host of beings is active; and again the night falls, O Partha, and they are helplessly dissolved.” (Lord Krishna, Bhagavad-gita, 8.19)

Bhagavad-gita explains how this humbling continues throughout the timeline of existence. The living beings come and go. They have no say in the matter, evident in their forced placement at birth. They have so little control and yet they foolishly think they can go it alone, that they can make a permanent solution. They think they are the doer, but they overlook the required sanction of material nature.

प्रकृतेः क्रियमाणानि
गुणैः कर्माणि सर्वशः
अहङ्कार-विमूढात्मा
कर्ताहम् इति मन्यते

prakṛteḥ kriyamāṇāni
guṇaiḥ karmāṇi sarvaśaḥ
ahaṅkāra-vimūḍhātmā
kartāham iti manyate

“The bewildered spirit soul, under the influence of the three modes of material nature, thinks himself to be the doer of activities, which are in actuality carried out by nature.” (Lord Krishna, Bhagavad-gita, 3.27)

For the issue of role models, His Divine Grace A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada explains that the devotee is the symbol of sacrifice. The definition of “devotee” is not limited to a particular gender, marital status, or even age. The five-year old boy named Prahlada is an inspiration for children and adults alike. He made the amazing sacrifice of putting himself in danger by openly declaring his allegiance to Vishnu. He was going to speak the truth, the science of self-realization, whenever there was an opportunity. He would not be dissuaded by an inimical father. He would not be deterred when the same father later turned violent.

“For the devotees there is no need for performance of prescribed sacrifices because the very life of the devotee is a symbol of sacrifice.” (Shrila Prabhupada, Shrimad Bhagavatam, 1.16.20 Purport)

Someone like the daughter of King Janaka is a role model for both men and women. She serves the Supreme Lord through the role of devoted wife. She compares known achievements in elevation to the shade of her husband’s lotus feet.

प्रासादाग्रैर्विमानैर्वा वैहायसगतेन वा
सर्वावस्थागता भर्तुः पादच्छाया विशिष्यते

prāsādāgrairvimānairvā vaihāyasagatena vā
sarvāvasthāgatā bhartuḥ pādacchāyā viśiṣyate

“Whether it be residence on top of a palace, traveling on airplanes, or flying through the sky (via yogic powers), in all circumstances the shade of the husband’s feet is by far superior.” (Valmiki Ramayana, Ayodhya Kand, 27.9)

Sita has determined that in all circumstances, the shelter of her husband is better. She will remain His servant. She will follow Him, like the shadow trailing the sun.

शक्या लोभयितुं नाहमैश्वर्येण धनेन वा
अनन्या राघवेणाहं भास्करेण प्रभा यथा

śakyā lobhayituṃ nāhamaiśvaryeṇa dhanena vā
ananyā rāghaveṇāhaṃ bhāskareṇa prabhā yathā

“It is not possible for me to be tempted by opulence or wealth. I am undeviatingly with Rama, like the radiance with the sun.” (Sita Devi speaking to Ravana, Valmiki Ramayana, Sundara Kand, 21.15-16)

Shabari is another female devoted to the same Rama, but in a different relationship. She lives like an ascetic. For that period of time, such a lifestyle is atypical for a female. She is not known for unwavering devotion to a husband. She is known for asceticism. She is known for a specific offering she once made, in feeding berries to Shri Rama and His younger brother Lakshmana. She achieved liberation through this offering. Who can be more fortunate? Who better to look to for inspiration during times of turmoil, doubt, tension, and moroseness?

In Closing:

Feeling lost and full of doubt,
Proper role models without.

Promiscuity now regularly promoted,
Only the fools to husband devoted.

But from shastra everyone can take,
How beautiful this life experience to make.

Like Sita the shadow trailing the sun,
And Shabari liberation by offering won.