Real Housewives Of Ayodhya

“Of what use are wealth, comforts and pleasures, home, wives, and sons if one is not able to see Shri Rama?” (Valmiki Ramayana, Ayodhya Kand, 48.7)

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किं नु तेषां गृहैः कार्यं किं दारै: किं धनेन वा
पुत्रैर्वा किं सुखैर्वापि ये न पश्यन्ति राघवम्

kiṃ nu teṣāṃ gṛhaiḥ kāryaṃ kiṃ dārai: kiṃ dhanena vā
putrairvā kiṃ sukhairvāpi ye na paśyanti rāghavam

What is the ideal marriage? When someone proclaims to be happily married for several decades in a row, what is the justification? Who is making the judgment? What are the parameters? The world is rapidly changing, after all. The way women are treated, viewed, and interacted with is vastly different from as recent as fifty years ago. In the case of the community of Ayodhya during ancient times, within the homes you might find the supposedly meek, weak, and dependent housewives really giving it to their husbands, in the verbal sense, in properly prioritizing interests in the temporary life experience.

One group says that it should be fifty-fifty. An even split. The household duties should not be the entire burden of the wife. The husband can work all he wants, to earn a living to support everyone in the family, but that does not mean he escapes responsibility. He should pitch in. He should help out. He should at least show an interest, in the color of the drapes in the living room, in the style of cabinet for the kitchen remodel, and in the size of the Christmas tree to decorate the foyer.

Another group says that the wives should be kind, polite, and most importantly, obedient. They will win over the husbands with their shyness. If they can cook and clean, that is enough. They have full freedom within their life of dependence. Let the husband think he is in charge. As the foundation of the family, you go about your day. The household is yours. Everyone knows that you really run the show, but you don’t flaunt your power. You respect the manhood of your husband.

In the case of an affluent family, the daily struggles are what people might refer to as “First World Problems.” Just what to wear for that charity event later in the week. How much to pay the gardener for maintaining the flowers in the backyard, which is otherwise massive. Should there be one or two dogs to keep as pets. Should those pets be given unfettered access to the property, extending even to the recently built tennis court. During times of financial difficulty, should the family sell one of its yachts.

During the time of the events of the Ramayana, which is a sacred poem of the Sanskrit language, you could say the conditions were as traditional as you can get. The marriages took place by arrangement between the families. The unmarried girls were like gifts. The transfer of ownership, if you will, has a corresponding term: kanya-dana. The father is giving away his daughter, to be under the protection of her new husband. The groom is accepting an extension of Lakshmi Devi, who is the goddess of fortune. The family of the groom is essentially adopting a person. Their family has grown, and there should only be love and care.

Does this mean that the wives were docile? Were they under the tight control of the husbands? Were the mothers-in-law so domineering that the wives felt they were compelled to remain silent? Did they never speak up? Did they refuse to assert themselves, even when they saw something that needed to be corrected?

We know of at least one occasion where the housewives were so upset that they essentially offered the most stinging insult to their husbands. They could be forgiven for the outburst. They could be excused for acting off emotion, since the trigger was attachment to the prince of the place. Shri Rama was suffering the worst wrong. He was taking it in stride. He was trying to assume the burden all by Himself. Rama did not want anyone else to suffer.

Except the people that loved Him refused to sit by, quiet and protected. There was the devoted wife, Sita Devi. She insisted on accompanying Rama. She did not mind going from the royal palace to the forest devoid of people, nirjanam. As Shri Hanuman later described, Sita made that transition without concern. She did not hesitate.

सर्वान् भोगान्परित्यज्य भर्तृस्नेहबलात्कृता
अचिन्तयित्वा दुःखानि प्रविष्टा निर्जनं वनम्

sarvān bhogānparityajya bhartṛsnehabalātkṛtā
acintayitvā duḥkhāni praviṣṭā nirjanaṃ vanam

“Giving up all enjoyable things, forced by affection for her husband she entered into the desolate forest, not concerned with the hardships.” (Hanuman, Valmiki Ramayana, Sundara Kand, 16.19)

There was the younger brother, Lakshmana. He was so insistent that he even proposed mounting a coup. Rather than have Rama accept the dreaded fate imposed by Queen Kaikeyi, Lakshmana would overthrow the government. He would put Rama where He rightfully belonged, on the throne. Never mind what their own father had decided. If King Dasharatha made a sudden turn into an enemy, Lakshmana would handle the situation.

गुरोरप्यवलिप्तस्य कार्याकार्यमजानतः
उत्पथं प्रतिपन्नस्य कार्यं भवति शासनम्

gurorapyavaliptasya kāryākāryamajānataḥ
utpathaṃ pratipannasya kāryaṃ bhavati śāsanam

“Even a guru becomes worthy of punishment if he becomes arrogant, cannot discern between what is to be done and what is not to be done, and goes astray from the path of righteousness.” (Lakshmana speaking to Lord Rama, Valmiki Ramayana, Ayodhya Kand, 21.13)

The housewives did not remain quiet, either. They scolded their husbands. Why were those men not as eager to follow Rama? If the beloved son of the community was leaving for fourteen years, to live in exile, to roam the forests, the people would go with Him. They would bring Ayodhya with them, to give Rama the support He deserved.

Just what were the husbands thinking? Why did they place so much value on possessions? Just what were family members going to do if the opportunity to see Rama was lost? What value did the home itself have when the heart of the community was gone? In this way, we see that the housewives in Ayodhya were like the greatest munis, the wisest saints, and the most benevolent counsellors, all combined into one.

In Closing:

Needed counsel to come,
Wives as gurus to become.

When witnessing fate dreaded,
For Rama to forest headed.

Why not following along?
Row of supporters a throng.

Husbands off their behinds should stand,
This way even subordinates to command.