Five Reasons I Might Have Affection For My Wife

“Being under the control of passion and lust, Rama’s father, Maharaja Dasharatha, wanted to fulfill Kaikeyi’s cherished desire, thus he did not go through with Rama’s installation ceremony.” (Sita Devi speaking to Ravana, Valmiki Ramayana, Aranya Kand, 47.12)

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कामार्तस्तु महातेजाः पिता दशरथस्स्वयम्
कैकेय्याः प्रियकामार्थं तं रामं नाभ्यषेचयत्

kāmārtastu mahātejāḥ pitā daśarathassvayam
kaikeyyāḥ priyakāmārthaṃ taṃ rāmaṃ nābhyaṣecayat

1. Support

“We have been through a lot. Through it all, we stayed together. The ups and the downs. Let me tell you, there sure were a lot of downs. She did not budge. She did not waver. Whenever I needed someone to pick me up, she was there. Us men have to always keep a brave face. We have to make sure everyone else is calm. That is simple in theory, but difficult in practice. As difficult as it might be to believe, we need help every now and then. We are just as vulnerable as everyone else.”

2. Strength

“From the kids, to the kitchen, to the household itself – she is like a rock. Nothing brings her down. She cannot be knocked off the high standard she has set. It is amazing to watch. I do not tell her any of this, mind you. I do not want to embarrass her. She might also get insulted, since she is not doing any of this for praise. But still, that strength is huge. Behind every great man is an even greater woman. I believe Benjamin Franklin even once referenced the old saying that he that would thrive must ask his wife.”

3. Comfort

“I won’t lie. Life is difficult. There is uncertainty everywhere you turn. From the gas prices to the employment market. Your business is thriving today, while the base of customers dries up tomorrow. We barely have time to rest. Except that I know at home I can let go. I can completely free my mind of worries. This is all because of the comfort my wife offers.”

4. Beauty

“I still can’t believe it. We have been together for so long. Have you looked at me recently? What I see in the mirror is a shell of my former self. Time has taken its toll, for sure. For some reason, my wife is still with me. Have you seen her? She is exceptional. That is my opinion. How did I ever meet someone like this? How does she stay interested? I don’t want to ask too many questions. This must be a reward for good deeds from the past.”

5. Quick action on the battlefield

The queen known as Kaikeyi has something like the first “heel-turn” in the historical narrative that is the Ramayana poem. Of Sanskrit origins, the tale has been told and retold in countless ways across thousands of years. There are varying opinions on that queen, who happens to be the youngest of three in the kingdom of Ayodhya. Some say she represents the worst of the female, while others acknowledge the role of yogamaya in the proceedings. Yogamaya is like the auspicious version of illusion. It tricks people, for sure, but there is a positive result at the end.

In some sections of the narrative, you will find figures of high esteem speaking ill not only of Kaikeyi, but also her husband. Sita Devi once remarked that King Dasharatha was under the control of kama when he agreed to Kaikeyi’s wishes. It would make sense for Sita to hold such sentiments, considering she was one of the victims to those wishes. She was suffering all because of a sudden bout of jealousy. She was suffering because her husband, Shri Rama, was targeted. Rama was the eldest son to Dasharatha, but born to the queen named Kausalya.

Dasharatha had reason to be affectionate towards Kaikeyi. She had once saved him on the battlefield. The king brought her along, in something resembling the “ride-alongs” of the modern day with police cars. Dasharatha happened to get in trouble on the battlefield. Luckily, Kaikeyi was there, to jump to the rescue. Dasharatha later felt so obliged that he offered her any two boons of her choosing.

Kaikeyi waited until a long time later to redeem those boons. She even had to be reminded of them by her assistant named Manthara. This means that Kaikeyi was typically not the envious type. She was goaded into demanding two boons from her husband. She asked that her own son, Bharata, be made the next king. She also asked that Rama be sent to the forest for fourteen years, so as to not interfere with the transfer of the kingdom.

So which is it? Should a husband have affection for their wife? Or is it something to be mocked? Is it a sign of weakness to be kind to a dependent? We resolve the two sides by understanding that in a cultured environment, choosing passion over duty is the way of the weak. It is a weakness to give in to passion. I may have the greatest affection for my dependents, but that affection should not interfere with doing what is right. My intelligence tells me to go one way, while my affection points in the other direction.

In that period of time, it was a great insult for a man to be considered under the control of passion, which is known as kama in Sanskrit. Dasharatha was the latest in the long line of respected rulers in the Raghu dynasty. Different from modern times, the leaders took the role seriously. They valued dharma, or duty, over anything else. It was this attention to duty that led Rama to accept the requests without hesitation. Rama did not leave His father with a choice. The father would not be known as a liar. Even if people would sometimes criticize Dasharatha for the affection towards Kaikeyi, Rama would be there to wipe the slate clean. Rama would absorb everything, as He is known to do for His devotees.

मन्-मना भव मद्-भक्तो
मद्-याजी मां नमस्कुरु
माम् एवैष्यसि युक्त्वैवम्
आत्मानं मत्-परायणः

man-manā bhava mad-bhakto
mad-yājī māṁ namaskuru
mām evaiṣyasi yuktvaivam
ātmānaṁ mat-parāyaṇaḥ

“Engage your mind always in thinking of Me, offer obeisances and worship Me. Being completely absorbed in Me, surely you will come to Me.” (Lord Krishna, Bhagavad-gita, 9.34)

In Closing:

Outcome tragic and bleak,
From affection appearing weak.

That those two boons to grant,
Never a thought to recant.

Under control of passion considered,
Opinion by Rama’s wife delivered.

But son never with doubt,
Leaving father choice without.