Five Instances Of An Abusive Relationship

“In the conditional state, every living being is envious of another living being, but in the liberated state there is an absence of animosity. Prahlada Maharaja was tortured by his father in so many ways, yet after the death of his father he prayed for his father’s liberation by the Supreme Personality of Godhead. He did not ask any benediction that he might have asked, but he prayed that his atheistic father might be liberated. He never cursed any of the persons who engaged in torturing him at the instigation of his father.” (Shrila Prabhupada, Shrimad Bhagavatam, 3.14.46 Purport)

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1. Wife to the husband

“Last night was rough. I spent the entire day at the office, trying to fix that problem. By the time I reached home, I was exhausted. My wife had not cooked dinner. She had not cleaned up the place. She had not really done anything. I didn’t mind, as I understand taking care of a young child is not easy. At the very least she could have ordered food and had it delivered. I will pay for everything, after all.

“Things took a turn for the worse when I tried to spend some time with my child. My wife left the room and as soon as that happened, the child started screaming. I literally tried everything to pacify her. I wanted to give my wife a break. A few minutes later, my wife enters the room and starts screaming at me, telling me how useless I am and that I don’t do anything for anyone. I honestly felt like jumping out the window.”

2. Husband to the wife

“Why are the children still awake? Why isn’t dinner ready? What exactly do you do all day? Every time I come home, I see you sleeping on the sofa. That is so disrespectful. If you can’t manage a household, then leave. I will find someone else to do it. I didn’t know I was marrying a bum.”

3. Manager to the employees

“Alright, vacation is over. Everyone must return to the office, five days a week, starting next month. No exceptions. We will be monitoring your location. Yes, I understand that most of you don’t know anyone at your local office. You will still be logging into virtual meetings. There is a shortage of desk space, as well. But this collaboration is necessary. We can’t have you working from home forever.”

4. Mother to the daughter

“My mom is the worst. She told me I can’t play with my friends anymore. It’s because of my grades in school. I am grounded for the next two weeks. I will only get my phone during times that I am away from home, in case my parents need to reach me. This is totally unfair. No other parents are this strict. I never want to speak to her again.”

5. Father to the son

Is it legitimate? Are the above complaints accurate? Or is the cause something else? Perhaps there are more complaints precisely because there are more avenues for airing grievances. In generations prior, if an adult admonished a junior over a grievous error, the person on the receiving end had to swallow their pride. They had to hold on to the lingering memory, which conjures feelings of embarrassment and shame. It is to avoid that very embarrassment in the future that the behavior changes. In other words, someone learned from the supposed abuse they took from someone else.

Today, the same person receiving harsh words can air their grievances to the entire world in a matter of minutes. No matter on which side of the issue they fall, there will be supporters. There will be people offering words of encouragement. The offense could have been something as basic as showing up late to work. It could also have involved a child taking money from their parents, without prior approval. When they get punished for the offense, the offender thinks they are being abused by the superior party.

In truth, from beginning to end it is like the individual is in an abusive relationship. The counterpart is material nature, which is the playing field. The local playing field, kshetra, is the body, while the individual inside is the knower, kshetrajna. That combination of knower and field then operates on a larger playing field, which we can refer to as “nature.”

श्रीभगवानुवाच
इदं शरीरं कौन्तेय क्षेत्रमित्यभिधीयते
एतद्यो वेत्ति तं प्राहु: क्षेत्रज्ञ इति तद्विद:

śrī-bhagavān uvāca
idaṁ śarīraṁ kaunteya
kṣetram ity abhidhīyate
etad yo vetti taṁ prāhuḥ
kṣetra-jña iti tad-vidaḥ

“The Blessed Lord then said: This body, O son of Kunti, is called the field, and one who knows this body is called the knower of the field.” (Bhagavad-gita, 13.2)

The knower of the field is the superior party, but due to ignorance they suffer. They struggle with the inferior party, which is apara prakriti. The knower is para prakriti, but they require some instruction in order to learn the reality. Once properly situated, the abusive nature to the dealings can be recognized, rectified, and even reversed, over the long term. This is the objective known as moksha, which is release from the cycle of birth and death.

दैवी ह्य् एषा गुण-मयी
मम माया दुरत्यया
माम् एव ये प्रपद्यन्ते
मायाम् एतां तरन्ति ते

daivī hy eṣā guṇa-mayī
mama māyā duratyayā
mām eva ye prapadyante
māyām etāṁ taranti te

“This divine energy of Mine, consisting of the three modes of material nature, is difficult to overcome. But those who have surrendered unto Me can easily cross beyond it.” (Lord Krishna, Bhagavad-gita, 7.14)

In the case of directly dealing with other individuals, His Divine Grace A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada explains that envy is at play. Envy is the constant in material dealings. A father might even be envious of his own son. This was the case with Hiranyakashipu, who was the leader of the Daitya kingdom. His envy of Prahlada was so strong that it triggered the worst abuses.

Far from the mild forms of punishment of a father cutting off the child from the trust fund or selling the child’s second car, Hiranyakashipu tried to kill Prahlada. There was increasing severity in the attempted measures. This was because Prahlada kept surviving. Though only five years old, Prahlada was outdoing the greatest magicians the world has ever known. The father could not believe it.

Yet, we see that Prahlada did not hold resentment. The abuses were so extreme that Vishnu, the Supreme Personality of Godhead, felt compelled to appear. He manifested from a pillar, showing the amazing vision of a half-man/half-lion. This human-beast combination literally tore Hiranyakashipu apart. The father got what he deserved. He failed to notice the higher nature at play in the survival of his son. He finally saw God, face-to-face, in the form of cruel and unforgiving death.

हरिः सुरेशो नरलोकपूजितो हिताय लोकस्य चराचरस्य
कृत्वा विरूपं च पुरात्ममायया हिरण्यकं दुःखकरं नखैश् छिनत्

hariḥ sureśo naralokapūjito hitāya lokasya carācarasya
kṛtvā virūpaṃ ca purātmamāyayā hiraṇyakaṃ duḥkhakaraṃ nakhaiś chinat

“Shri Hari, who is the Lord of the demigods, who is worshiped by the people of the world, for benefiting the moving and nonmoving beings of the world took that dreadful form through His own energy and tore apart Hiranyakashipu, who caused suffering to so many, with His nails.” (Narasimha Purana, 44.43)

Prahlada still wished well for his father. He did not seek further punishment. Prahlada forgave when there was no personal benefit to showing forgiveness. Prahlada lacked envy because he knew the abusive nature to the relationship with the material world. Hiranyakashipu was suffering from the ajitendriyah condition, which is having no control over the senses. This can afflict any person, whether high or low, rich or poor, vibrant or dwindling.

In Closing:

Whether vibrant or dwindling,
Whether honest or swindling.

Whether rich or poor,
To find abuse for sure.

Relationship with nature due,
Innocent Prahlada a victim too.

So even after suffering abuses many,
Against father not resentment any.