Five Reasons People Might Hate Each Other

[Sita-Rama]“In this world everyone is troubled by everyone else; no one is really a servant of anyone else. Tulsi says that whatever good can come will only be through the merciful Shri Rama.” (Dohavali, 100)

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बाधक सब सब के भए साधक भए न कोइ।
तुलसी राम कृपालु तें भलो होइ सो होइ ॥

bādhaka saba saba ke bhae sādhaka bhae na koi।
tulasī rāma kṛpālu teṃ bhalo hoi so hoi ॥

1. They looked at me the wrong way

“I really can’t stand that person. Do you see the way they looked at me? I didn’t even do anything. They are always in a miserable mood. Who would want to be around them? At least pretend to be pleasant. We are not dealing with each other for long. It is not like we are roommates living in the same building.”

2. They refused to give in to my demands

“I really can’t stand that person. After I have done so much for them. After I took their multiple phone calls per day. After I offered so much sound advice. They refuse to agree with a simple request I made. I am insulted. I will never forget this offense.”

3. They are always so quiet

“I really can’t stand that person. They just sit there, all quiet. They have no interests. They are always going along with whatever I say. At least pretend to be excited. Show some enthusiasm. Who would want to hang out with someone like that?”

4. They are always talking

“I really can’t stand that person. Always talking. Constant noise. Nothing of substance, either. It’s like they are too afraid to be with their own thoughts. Maybe there is nothing going on up there. Emptiness. Sadness. Loneliness. Whatever the case, why are you bothering me? Go babble towards someone else.”

5. They are not willing to put my interests ahead of theirs

“I really can’t stand that person. I can’t believe how selfish they are. They don’t care a lick about any of my issues. They want to move on to their pressing problem. It is too much for me. I would like some real friends. I will take just one. That is not too much to ask.”

In the above mentioned conditions, the exact nature of the relationship does not necessarily matter. The two parties could be friends, related as father and son, colleagues at the same office, or even living within an institution focused on spiritual life.

श्री-भगवान् उवाच
काम एष क्रोध एष
महाशनो महा-पाप्मा
विद्ध्य् एनम् इह वैरिणम्

śrī-bhagavān uvāca
kāma eṣa krodha eṣa
mahāśano mahā-pāpmā
viddhy enam iha vairiṇam

“The Blessed Lord said: It is lust only, Arjuna, which is born of contact with the material modes of passion and later transformed into wrath, and which is the all-devouring, sinful enemy of this world.” (Bhagavad-gita, 3.37)

Bhagavad-gita provides the scientific basis for the disagreement. The initial cause is kama. For every effect, there is a cause. The fruits falling on the grass outside are due to the tree. The tree is there based on the seed. The seed is from within the earth, and there is a point of origination for both the earth and the entire universe itself.

सर्व-योनिषु कौन्तेय
मूर्तयः सम्भवन्ति याः
तासां ब्रह्म महद् योनिर्
अहं बीज-प्रदः पिता

sarva-yoniṣu kaunteya
mūrtayaḥ sambhavanti yāḥ
tāsāṁ brahma mahad yonir
ahaṁ bīja-pradaḥ pitā

“It should be understood that all species of life, O son of Kunti, are made possible by birth in this material nature, and that I am the seed-giving father.” (Lord Krishna, Bhagavad-gita, 14.4)

With the effects of anger, wrath, resentment, hatred, and so forth, the original cause is kama. This can be translated as “material desire.” Basically, anything that is hoped for relating to the material body. Creature comforts. A better financial situation. Enjoyment of the senses, and so forth.

Unless kama is controlled, there will always be disappointment. The living beings are not satya-sankalpa. When they have a desire, there is no guarantee of success. Even if the same desire were previously met, hundreds of times, material nature must first give its sanction.

प्रकृतेः क्रियमाणानि
गुणैः कर्माणि सर्वशः
कर्ताहम् इति मन्यते

prakṛteḥ kriyamāṇāni
guṇaiḥ karmāṇi sarvaśaḥ
kartāham iti manyate

“The bewildered spirit soul, under the influence of the three modes of material nature, thinks himself to be the doer of activities, which are in actuality carried out by nature.” (Lord Krishna, Bhagavad-gita, 3.27)

Goswami Tulsidas explains that no one is really a servant of another. Though they may print the motto for their company as, “service is everything,” they are really in it for meeting self-interest. The relationship within service only continues for as long as both parties are satisfied. Mutual cooperation or mutual benefit.

[Tulsidas with Rama-Lakshmana]Bearing this in mind, it is better to accept the realization that only the Supreme Lord is in charge. Whatever is supposed to happen will happen. We can certainly make the effort. We are not asked to sit idly, with no attention to duty or righteousness.

यदि ह्यहं न वर्तेयं जातु कर्मण्यतन्द्रितः ।
मम वर्त्मानुवर्तन्ते मनुष्याः पार्थ सर्वशः ॥

yadi hy ahaṁ na varteyaṁ
jātu karmaṇy atandritaḥ
mama vartmānuvartante
manuṣyāḥ pārtha sarvaśaḥ

“For, if I did not engage in work, O Partha, certainly all men would follow My path.” (Lord Krishna, Bhagavad-gita, 3.23)

We should work with a consciousness fixed on dharma, accepting the results whichever way they fall. Tulsidas says that Rama is ultimately in charge. The Supreme Personality of Godhead has a handle on everything. There is no reason to remain upset at other individuals for an extended period of time.

[Sita-Rama]After all, if they hate me for some reason, for failing to meet their demands, perhaps I have done the same with others. I am not any different; kama is a ruling force when there is an absence of pure God consciousness. Therefore, the more I can remember Shri Rama, the more I remain fixed in service to Him, the better I will be able to handle interactions with others; whether those interactions are pleasant or unfriendly.

In Closing:

Through interactions many,
Not stability any.

Some my association to prefer,
Others my shortcomings to refer.

Anger and wrath a poison combination,
Better to control with determination.

Only remembering Hari through,
The sole person responsible who.

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