“O best among the glorious ones, all of this has been achieved by me through the divine grace of You and Your brother. One who does not repay the favors offered to him certainly is considered a disgrace among men.” (Sugriva speaking to Lord Rama, Valmiki Ramayana, Kishkindha Kand, 38.26)

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तव देव प्रसादाच्च भ्रातुश्च जयतां वर
कृतं न प्रतिकुर्याद्यः पुरुषाणां स दूषकः

tava deva prasādācca bhrātuśca jayatāṃ vara
kṛtaṃ na pratikuryādyaḥ puruṣāṇāṃ sa dūṣakaḥ

1. With conditions

The person familiar with the “mockumentary” style of television programming could relate to the following situation. You are together with your friend. You have known them for a long time; practically since childhood. As sometimes happens during casual conversation, each participant shares something interesting. Recent developments. News about other friends. Changes within the family. For adults, one of the first topics to reach for is the workplace. After all, they spend so much time there over the course of a given week.

You happen to notice something interesting, though. Every time you mention anything about work – be it a meeting, a new project, something that a colleague did – your friend changes the subject. It is almost like you can run a countdown timer in your head. Within five seconds, they will point to something from their own work experience.

This has been a recent development. Ever since you got promoted. Ever since you started making more money. Every time your friend changes the subject like this, you almost wish you could look into the camera that is filming the mockumentary. Your look says something to the effect of, “Can you believe this nonsense?” Of course, the last word would likely be an expletive.

Why does this happen? Envy, of course. But how can that be? Is this person not your friend? You wish them well. You would never think of doing the same. For sure, you are envious of things that they have, achievements to their credit, milestones they have reached, and so forth. But that never gets in the way of your friendship. If anything, you would hope to strive for achieving the same. The envy is a kind of source of inspiration, for reaching toward something better.

The acharyas of the Vaishnava tradition say that all relationships within the material world suffer from the same defect. The friendships are based on conditions. Something has to be met on the other side. There is a benefit to be extracted. As friendships form amongst equals, as soon as one of the participants rises or falls, there is a chance for the relationship ending.

In another case, there is turmoil because you failed to oblige a request from your longtime friend. You have always been there for them in the past. You have done many things for them, in fact. Most of them were inconveniences. You did not want to help, but you felt some sort of obligation. Now that you are too busy or just don’t feel like it, this supposed friend of yours is upset to the point of running away. You see, they no longer wish to be friends. You are beginning to think they were never your friend to begin with.

2. Without conditions

From the Ramayana history, we have the case of the exiled Vanara leader named Sugriva. He was living in literal fear of his own brother, the mighty Vali. Sugriva found refuge on Mount Rishymukha. A sage had previously placed a curse on Vali, thereby denying him entry to the area. Sugriva was so paranoid that when he once saw two young men approaching the area, who resembled military fighters, he was afraid they might be sent to do harm. Sugriva asked his trusted minister, Hanuman, to go investigate the conspicuous presence of those men, who happened to be the brothers Rama and Lakshmana.

Long story short, Hanuman ended up brokering an alliance between Rama and Sugriva. Rama would help Sugriva overcome Vali and win back the Vanara kingdom. Sugriva would then help Rama find Sita, who was Rama’s wife and had gone missing. Rama upheld His end of the bargain. He even had to pass a technical interview, of sorts. He had to prove to Sugriva that the marksmanship, in using the bow and arrow, was precise enough to strike a target such as Vali.

The aftermath was interesting, though. Sugriva went on something like a binge. It was like one of those parties celebrating a championship victory for a professional sports team. Imagine if the city continued to party over an extended period of time. Here were Rama and Lakshmana waiting for the next part of the deal. Sugriva was acting as if he had nothing further to do.

Eventually, things turned around. Sugriva regained his senses. In other circumstances, we might apply derisive names to Sugriva, such as “dirtbag” and “scumbag”. Sugriva even referred to such a person as dushakah, which is like a disgrace among men. Favors should be repaid. We might forget from time to time, but we should not be miserly in our dealings with others.

The difference here is that Rama never forgot the help He eventually received. He never held a grudge. He never looked down at Sugriva. This is the way friendship in the spiritual world operates. It is without conditions. This is because the same Rama is also known as atmarama. He does not depend on anyone. He never needs anything. He is completely satisfied in the self. He creates opportunities for service for the benefit of the person offering the service.

If we think about it, the promise of liberation in surrender makes God the most forgiving person of all. We have forgotten Him for so long that we can’t even trace our history in the material world. As He describes to Arjuna, those past experiences are always retained in memory. The Supreme Lord can remember, while I cannot.

श्री-भगवान् उवाच
बहूनि मे व्यतीतानि
जन्मानि तव चार्जुन
तान्य् अहं वेद सर्वाणि
न त्वं वेत्थ परन्तप

śrī-bhagavān uvāca
bahūni me vyatītāni
janmāni tava cārjuna
tāny ahaṁ veda sarvāṇi
na tvaṁ vettha parantapa

“The Blessed Lord said: Many, many births both you and I have passed. I can remember all of them, but you cannot, O subduer of the enemy!” (Bhagavad-gita, 4.5)

I have forgotten for so long. I have turned away from the spiritual way of living, sanatana-dharma, but I still have the opportunity for reentry. His Divine Grace A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada refers to the transformation as going “back to Godhead” for a reason. If there is any friendship to make, it should be with the one who never forgets even the slightest deed done for His benefit.

In Closing:

For best friendship set,
Choose one never to forget.

Even a single deed,
Appreciated indeed.

Like Sugriva the Vanaras commanding,
Despite first in forgetfulness standing.

Rama the positive memory to take,
Never His devotee to forsake.

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Tags: dailyprompt, friendship, hare krishna, poem, poems, poetry