“Of what use are wealth, comforts and pleasures, home, wives, and sons if one is not able to see Shri Rama?” (Valmiki Ramayana, Ayodhya Kand, 48.7)

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किं नु तेषां गृहैः कार्यं किं दारै: किं धनेन वा
पुत्रैर्वा किं सुखैर्वापि ये न पश्यन्ति राघवम्

kiṃ nu teṣāṃ gṛhaiḥ kāryaṃ kiṃ dārai: kiṃ dhanena vā
putrairvā kiṃ sukhairvāpi ye na paśyanti rāghavam

If the powers that be were honest with you, they would have warned you long ago. Instead of prioritizing what kind of car you want to drive, the place of residence, or the occupation to follow when growing up, they should have prepared you for the most difficult thing of all. The one journey that would seemingly never end, that would have trouble from start to finish, and for which little energy would remain for anything else, when all was said and done.

The difficulty of which we speak is marriage. The institution. The sacred bond between husband and wife. When the lights from the big celebration finally turn off, behind the glamor and the pageantry, there are two adult human beings, with desires of their own, with possibly conflicting natures, trying to figure out how to make things work.

Spend enough time in tight quarters with someone and they are bound to get on your nerves. If there is likely no option for exiting, where the participants acknowledge the fact that they must stay together, then there is a kind of liberating feeling. Wherein, you can speak your piece, on occasion. You can say whatever you want, since who out there needs to be impressed? The relationship is already settled. Nothing to lose, really.

If there are children involved, if the husband goes to work while the wife stays home to take care of things, the obvious points of potential frustration are in that very maintenance. The tired husband might voice the following concerns upon returning home from a long day at the office:

“Wow, would you look at that? The sink is full of dishes. Since how long, exactly? Try an entire week. I would clean up myself, but then of course the dishwasher has not been emptied in a week, either. Why am I not surprised? The living room is a mess. The kids have been eating junk food all day. Do I get a nice welcome upon walking through the front door? Nope. They shove a grocery list in my face. I need to figure out how dinner will get on the table, also. Seriously, just what does she do around here? What is her purpose? I feel like I am married to a homeless person. The worst kind, too. Someone who yells and screams, demands this and that, and then makes no effort to take care of herself. This is really the worst.”

On the flip side, the busy wife has struggles of her own. If taking care of children were so easy, maybe the husband should try it. When her frustrations boil over, she might say something resembling the following:

“Again? You are out of the house for the fifth night in a row. I don’t care what stupid game is on. I don’t care what your buddies want you to do. Do you not see that the children need a bath? I told you how many times already to fix that leak in the kitchen sink. You ate all of the food in the fridge. I worked so long to cook that meal. It was for the entire family. Could you possibly be more selfish? Always worrying about this coupon and that. How about you spend some money, for a change? You earn more than enough. What a joke! I have no idea what value you add around here. It is like you are a negative resource. My family was right about you.”

Imagine the case where both parties are bringing their best. They are at the top of their respective games. Nothing is really lacking. The responsibilities are met. There is no competition. There is no pettiness. There is sufficient food to eat. The children are happy living in a safe neighborhood. They are being educated. Everything is on the right track.

Then, one day, the wife decides to tear into the husband. Just what about? Well, an esteemed member of the community, a prince, has had a terrible wrong befall Him. He was supposed to become the next king, but family politics got in the way. Not only is He shut out from the honorable distinction, where everyone was otherwise looking forward to the installation ceremony known as abhisheka, but the regrettable insult is that He must leave town. Not entirely for good, but it may as well be. He is kicked out for fourteen years.

What does this have to do with the household in question? Well, the wife is excoriating her husband for not being eager enough to follow. You see, the entire family should pick up everything and follow that person. The prince is so special, His qualities so divine, that if the people can’t see Him in their community, they will follow Him wherever He goes. They will make their home adjacent to His residence, even if that means uprooting the family and moving to the forest.

This may seem like a crazy proposal. The husband hasn’t done anything wrong, in the typical sense. After all, if there aren’t pleasurable things at home, what is family life for? If those things are not supposed to be enjoyed, then why have them in the first place?

In the setting of the city of Ayodhya during the time period long ago when King Dasharatha was the leader, the reasoning from the wives was that life meant nothing without their beloved Rama. If they could not see Him, then what meaning did family life carry? Just what exactly was everyone doing? To enjoy the senses is not a grand achievement. The animals already have sufficient experience. There is no shortage. There is the factor of time in limiting the duration of the interaction, but the same time applies to the human population, as well.

Like an outside auditor brought in to make the operation more efficient, the wives tore into the husbands for not properly aligning priorities. Service to the Supreme Lord is everything. Shri Rama is wishing well to everyone else. If we cannot see Him, if we cannot serve Him, then everything we consider to be enjoyable in life is actually like a zero; there is no value.

नाम राम को अंक है सब साधन हैं सून
अंक ग_एँ कछु हाथ नहिं अंक रहें दस गून

nāma rāma ko aṃka hai saba sādhana haiṃ sūna
aṃka ga_em̐ kachu hātha nahiṃ aṃka raheṃ dasa gūna

“Shri Rama’s holy name is like a numeral, and all religious practices are like zero. When the numeral is not there, zero means nothing. But when it is present, the resultant value increases tenfold.” (Dohavali, 10)

In Closing:

Why not eager to forsake?
Everything enjoyable to take.

And realize value lacking,
If beloved Rama not backing.

Who our life and soul,
His vision our highest goal.

Now suffering a terrible fate,
Move before it’s too late.

Categories: marriage

Tags: dailyprompt, life, marriage, poem, poems, poetry, ramayana