“From the highest planet in the material world down to the lowest, all are places of misery wherein repeated birth and death take place. But one who attains to My abode, O son of Kunti, never takes birth again.” (Lord Krishna, Bhagavad-gita, 8.16)

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आ-ब्रह्म-भुवनाल् लोकाः
पुनर् आवर्तिनो ऽर्जुन
माम् उपेत्य तु कौन्तेय
पुनर् जन्म न विद्यते

ā-brahma-bhuvanāl lokāḥ
punar āvartino ‘rjuna
mām upetya tu kaunteya
punar janma na vidyate

“Alright, controversy time. You know I like to stir the pot every so often. Don’t blame me on this one, either. I am only relaying something I saw. It was a brief video, but the topic is ripe for discussion. A woman was speaking. She was complaining that society had sold her a lie. She went into career mode. She prioritized her job over everything else. She didn’t need a man to feel complete. Now she is doing well, but is unhappy. She is successful, but she feels a void.

“She feels as if starting a family at a much younger age would have been the better choice. The stress would have been greatly reduced. The life would be more fulfilling, as her energy would go towards helping her dependents. She would have a husband who loved and cared for her. She feels as if the corporate world is soulless. Even if you end up leading a company that employs thousands of people, there is no comparison to the joy of the housewife.

“Listen, I know better than to step in the middle of such arguments. I don’t want to tell people how to live. I am just comparing everything to the Vedic tradition, and especially what I have learned from His Divine Grace A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada. Isn’t this precisely what he was warning against, that no one will ever be free? Fifty years ago, the women were after liberation, but they will always be subordinate to someone.

“Isn’t this why shastra gives the marriage system, to begin with? By the way, those marriages used to be arranged by the parents. I am not insisting upon a return to a culture that is now practically nonexistent. I know that to force the same today would be a disaster. But still, it is almost like the Vedas were on to something when they said that one of the signs of the advancement of the dark age of Kali would be the proliferation of marriage based solely on sentiment. What are your thoughts?”

The opinion of Goswami Tulsidas is that this place is full of grief. This place refers to the material world, including upper and lower planetary systems. From the highest to the lowest, there is rebirth. When there is rebirth, there is placement and separation. The separation is the final destiny as soon as there is placement. Shri Krishna, the Supreme Personality of Godhead concurs with the opinion. There is only misery in the material world.

तब लगि कुसल न जीव कहुँ सपनेहुँ मन बिश्राम
जब लगि भजत न राम कहुँ सोकधाम तजि काम

taba lagi kusala na jīva kahum̐ sapanehum̐ mana biśrāma
jaba lagi bhajata na rāma kahum̐ sokadhāma taji kāma

“For as long as there is not devotion to Shri Rama and the release of material desires, which are like an abode of grief, the living being should not expect to find welfare and peace of mind, even in a dream.” (Dohavali, 131)

Whether someone works for a living, is childless, got married at a young age, lives with a husband, or has no connection to family whatsoever – as soon as they are in shokadhama they will experience heartache, misery, despair, sadness, and hopelessness. There is no way around the reality. The recommendations from shastra are for building a foundation conducive to gradual elevation. Not everyone will make the leap towards transcendence right away. Not everyone will agree with the decision for transcendence. Not everyone will even get the opportunity to hear about a different way of life. They will be forced to choose from the options presented to them, which are often inherited from family and the society around them.

As Bhagavad-gita begins with the dilemma of Arjuna, in contemplating both success and failure, the teachings of the Vedas in the call to action to inquire into Brahman begin with the premise of trauma. Imagine that you are in the worst situation. Imagine that all hope is lost. Consider that no matter which way you go, you will be left with nothing in the end. Realize that no one is really interested in helping you. They only milk you for what you have, while you have it. Once the field runs dry, so to speak, they will move on to something else.

हरे चरहिं तापहिं बरे फरें पसारहिं हाथ
तुलसी स्वारथ मीत सब परमारथ रघुनाथ

hare carahiṃ tāpahiṃ bare phareṃ pasārahiṃ hātha
tulasī svāratha mīta saba paramāratha raghunātha

“When plant life is green, there is grazing. When it becomes old, it turns into fuel for fire. When it grows and bears fruits, people grab at it with an open hand. Tulsi says that all are friends only when a personal interest is met, but Shri Rama meets the supreme interest.” (Dohavali, 52)

In the ideal situation, marriage should be an institution for spiritual advancement. It is an ashrama. The Sanskrit work grihamedhi describes someone living in married life but not focusing on this advancement. They are only interested in satisfying the senses. Where there is bhoga, there is also tyaga. If relationships come together on bhoga, then they can naturally dissolve from tyaga. I like this person today. I hate them tomorrow. I spend thousands of dollars on the greatest wedding of all time, only to later spend almost the same amount to get divorced.

रागद्वेषविमुक्तैस्तु विषयनिन्द्रियैश्चरन्
आत्मवश्यैर्विधेयात्मा प्रसादमधिगच्छति

rāga-dveṣa-vimuktais tu
viṣayān indriyaiś caran
ātma-vaśyair vidheyātmā
prasādam adhigacchati

“One who can control his senses by practicing the regulated principles of freedom can obtain the complete mercy of the Lord and thus become free from all attachment and aversion.” (Lord Krishna, Bhagavad-gita, 2.64)

Any mention within sacred texts, irrespective the specific tradition, of eating and marriage is for one purpose: control. Otherwise, the animals can do as they wish. The animals do not have marriage. The control is for furthering the best interests of the individual. This means that the controls specific for eating and interaction with the opposite sex are for maintaining and increasing happiness. The person who is uncontrolled is detached from a steady stream of happiness, bliss, enthusiasm, and hope.

That hope is for continuing in transcendence, in connecting with the highest concept there is. Whether that ascension takes place within a sacred institution like marriage or within the corner of a tiny room in the home, through dedicated offerings in private ritualistic observances, full devotion should be there. The presence of the devotion is what will determine success or failure, especially during these confusing times, when no one seems to know whose advice to follow or in which direction to turn.

यत् करोषि यद् अश्नासि
यज् जुहोषि ददासि यत्
यत् तपस्यसि कौन्तेय
तत् कुरुष्व मद्-अर्पणम्

yat karoṣi yad aśnāsi
yaj juhoṣi dadāsi yat
yat tapasyasi kaunteya
tat kuruṣva mad-arpaṇam

“O son of Kunti, all that you do, all that you eat, all that you offer and give away, as well as all austerities that you may perform, should be done as an offering unto Me.” (Lord Krishna, Bhagavad-gita, 9.27)

In Closing:

Marriage certain way should be,
But the difficulties just see.

No devotion or sacrifice made,
One expense after another paid.

From shastra the explanation found,
That misery at lowest ground.

Transcendence the ideal to seek,
Urgency in holy names’ speech.

Categories: questions

Tags: dailyprompt, feminism, life, poem, poems, poetry, vedas