“The material world is so made that unless one becomes a clever diplomat, his life will be a failure. Not to speak of human society, even the society of lower animals, the birds and bees, cleverly manages its bodily demands of eating, sleeping and mating. Human society competes nationally or individually, and in the attempt to be successful the entire human society becomes full of diplomacy. We should always remember that in spite of all diplomacy and all intelligence in the struggle for our existence, everything will end in a second by the supreme will. Therefore, all our attempts to become happy in this material world are simply a delusion offered by maya.” (Shrila Prabhupada, Shrimad Bhagavatam, 3.30.9 Purport)

Download as podcast episode (right click and save)

1. They will disrespect

“They look so innocent now, don’t they? Hanging on your every word. Imitating your every move. It seems like the higher authorities have gifted you this wonderful dependent, who is like an ocean carrying much needed relief. Trust me, I was once where you are. I have moved beyond that fairytale. What I see is someone who will break your heart in the future. Just wait until the first time they disrespect you. For everything that you do for them, they can’t even be bothered to have a little consideration for what you go through. No, instead, they will take and take until you are completely emptied out. Then what will you be left with?”

2. They will steal

“Oh, you are so happy. I can tell. You are willing to give this child everything. You will take a second job, if you have to. In order to meet their every need, in order to fulfill the role of a loving, diligent, and attentive caretaker, there is no obstacle too great. That is fine, but what happens when this child steals from you? Don’t think that it will never happen. They will figure out where you keep your money. They will justify their decision based on the abundance within the home, in how you spend lavishly for their needs. You never say ‘no,’ so what harm could result from the child simply bypassing the middleman?

“How will you feel, then? What if they steal repeatedly? What if they don’t care about your disappointment, your sadness, or your hurt feelings? It’s not about the money, is it? It never is. Don’t think it will never happen to you. I am just preparing you for the potential landscape that awaits the loving father.”

3. They will never appreciate

“You will miss important functions with colleagues. You will skip out on birthday celebrations for your friends and family. That vacation everyone else is going on? You promise to go the next time. You see, your child is everything. If you are not there for them, who else can fill the role? No, you are proud to be a father. You are ready for the responsibility.

“Well, what will happen when one day you learn that this same child has no appreciation for your sacrifices? They feel entitled to your undivided attention. They will not offer the same to you, though. You are now old and incapable. What good are you to anyone? The child is living it up in this world, while you are sitting there in the corner, alone and forgotten.”

4. They will disavow you over petty differences

“The many times you will change a diaper, wake up in the middle of the night to attend to crying, and tax your brain thinking of ways to keep them safe in this dangerous world. You will move across the country, desperate for a new job, even, if it means that they can attend a prestigious school. You will move heaven and earth to see to their happiness.

“Then, one day, this same child will pretend that you don’t exist. You see, you are voting the wrong way in the upcoming election. Your support for a supposed tyrant is unforgiveable. The child now has children of their own. You will never get to meet those grandchildren. Those thousands of dollars spent on college tuition mean nothing now. Over something so petty as politics, this child has established themselves as an unquestionable authority. The same ones who were getting into trouble in school, until you bailed them out – they are now the ones to lecture you about civility, tolerance, and decency. Never saw it coming, did you?”

5. They will hoard the inheritance

“Yes, you did well in business. You are leaving a considerable fortune behind. You will give everything to your spouse and child. As more children are born, they will get to share in the benefits. The only problem is everything will disintegrate during that time. You think that these siblings are best friends now, but just wait and see. Well, you actually won’t see. That is the one area where you will be spared. But trust me, the inheritance battles are commonplace. You will never believe the level to which some of your children will descend, in how a piece of land becomes more important to them than honor, decency, and the legacy of their ancestors.”

…

Upon careful study of Vedic texts like Shrimad Bhagavatam and the teachings of His Divine Grace A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada, it is apparent that the viewpoint on marriage and family life is quite different from what the popular movies depict. Rather than a culmination of a long search for just the right partner, for bringing forth the next generation to be loved, to be nurtured, to be taught, and to be sent confidently and well-equipped into the real world, it is like falling into the worst kind of trap. The spouse and the children are like bloodsucking leeches, you see. The family man can look forward to fatigue, desperation, and an endless line of desires, where the expectation is that every one be met in a timely manner.

The above hypothetical review of the birth of a child to a family man shows there is potential for so much trouble. Vedic teachings anticipate this trouble, as it is one of the defects accompanying birth itself. That birth is for the individual soul. They are considered conditioned, or jiva, based on landing in the place of duality. As much as one person hopes for happiness, anticipation, excitement, and bliss in their upcoming married life, so there is always the chance that everything ends in a disaster.

When there is birth, there must be death. Where there are winners, there must be losers. What goes up must come down. Shri Krishna teaches that happiness and distress are themselves like automatic fixtures, though taking turns in their appearance. The comparison is to the seasons and the specific weather conditions they bring.

मात्रा-स्पर्शास् तु कौन्तेय
शीतोष्ण-सुख-दुःख-दाः
आगमापायिनो ऽनित्यास्
तांस् तितिक्षस्व भारत

mātrā-sparśās tu kaunteya
śītoṣṇa-sukha-duḥkha-dāḥ
āgamāpāyino ‘nityās
tāṁs titikṣasva bhārata

“O son of Kunti, the nonpermanent appearance of happiness and distress, and their disappearance in due course, are like the appearance and disappearance of winter and summer seasons. They arise from sense perception, O scion of Bharata, and one must learn to tolerate them without being disturbed.” (Lord Krishna, Bhagavad-gita, 2.14)

If there is happiness and distress across an entire lifetime, then the same holds true for family life. A person might object to the pessimistic outlook from shastra, but we see that there are indeed areas of vulnerability. This holds for any type of interaction. If we are happy about starting a new job. If we are excited to relocate for turning a new chapter in life. If we are enjoying with friends and family.

The reality is that unless the actual reality becomes known, located, and constantly remembered, illusion will take hold. For as long as we are in illusion, we are vulnerable to defeat. One Sanskrit word to describe liberation is apavarga. This is actually a negation of the word pavarga. Pavarga is thus life outside of liberation. This word refers to negative conditions like exhaustion, defeat, and death.

“…the word pavarga signifies our struggle for existence and our meeting with defeat, exhaustion, bondage, fearfulness and, at last, death. Apavarga means that which can nullify all of these material conditions. Krishna is said to be the giver of apavarga, the path of liberation.” (Shrila Prabhupada, The Nectar of Devotion, Ch 59)

Apavarga is removing the negatives. Apavarga is what the individual should strive for. Whether they reach that end through remaining single, taking up residence in a remote cave, or holding their young children to maintain the pose for the family portrait at home, the end result is what matters. This is the purpose to the teachings put forth by those who know. Sometimes, even the smallest ones can turn out to be the wisest, as was seen in the interactions between Prahlada Maharaja and his father, the leader of the Daityas.

श्री-प्रह्लाद उवाच
तत् साधु मन्ये ’सुर-वर्य देहिनां
सदा समुद्विग्न-धियाम् असद्-ग्रहात्
हित्वात्म-पातं गृहम् अन्ध-कूपं
वनं गतो यद् धरिम् आश्रयेत

śrī-prahlāda uvāca
tat sādhu manye ’sura-varya dehināṁ
sadā samudvigna-dhiyām asad-grahāt
hitvātma-pātaṁ gṛham andha-kūpaṁ
vanaṁ gato yad dharim āśrayeta

“Prahlada Maharaja replied: O best of the asuras, King of the demons, as far as I have learned from my spiritual master, any person who has accepted a temporary body and temporary household life is certainly embarrassed by anxiety because of having fallen in a dark well where there is no water but only suffering. One should give up this position and go to the forest [vana]. More clearly, one should go to Vrindavana, where only Krishna consciousness is prevalent, and should thus take shelter of the Supreme Personality of Godhead.” (Shrimad Bhagavatam, 7.5.5)

In Closing:

So happy to be,
Eyes of newborn to see.

But the realities just consider,
How harsh the pain to deliver.

Maybe stealing carefully stocked provisions,
Completely shut off over political divisions.

Better the reality now to accept,
And efforts to liberation direct.

Categories: the five

Tags: children, dailyprompt, life, parenting, poem, poems, poetry